Thursday, May 29, 2008

Say my name...

Song of the day:
Within Temptation
"Say My Name"



Say my name
So I will know you're back you're here again
For a while
Oh let us share
The memories that only we can share
Together

Tell me about
The days before I was born
How we were as children

You touch my hand
These colors come alive
In your heart and in your mind
I cross the borders of time
Leaving today behind to be with you again

We breath the air
Do you remember how you used to touch my hair?
You're not aware
Your hands keep still
You just don't know that I am here

It hurts too much
I pray now that soon you're released
To where you belong

You touch my hand
These colors come alive
In your heart and in your mind
I cross the borders of time
Leaving today behind to be with you again

Please say my name
Remember who i am
You will find me in the world of yesterday
You drift away again
Too far from where I am
When you ask me who I am

Say my name
These colors come alive
In your heart and in your mind
I cross the borders of time
Leaving today behind to be with you again

Say my name




(P.S.:

I'm so enticed by the arrangement of the whole song!

Not forgetting the superb voice by the lead vocalist, the song is almost complete.

It's almost the song of the entire century.

I never thought that Gothic rock can be sooooooo beautiful.

Awwwwww...)

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Is it me or what?

Song of the day:
David Cook
"Eleanor Rigby"



Sometimes I wonder..

Is it me? is it anybody else?

What I'm talking about is the "me against the world" kind of situation.

When does this situation occur?

Arguments.

Discussions.

Quarrels.

Anything that involves more than 1 people discussing about stuff or do things together.

Have you ever faced with a situation whereby everybody's against you and you're the lone ranger in certain issues?

I guess you've.

I'm facing such situation all the time!

I'm always alone to defend my own stand.

Any issue in the world: Arsenal, religion, fear, Malaysia etc.

I'm always the lone ranger.

Even in my family, my siblings and parents are always against me.

I get to the point when I even feel depressed and have pretty low self-esteem.

This can happen to anyone when such things continuously happen in one's life.

I can hear voices which say, "You're making an issue out of nothing."

NO WAY!

Maybe I'm more sensitive than others and thus it IS an issue to me.

I feel pretty powerless everytime people bombard me with their views.

And I hate that feeling!

But I will accept other people's opinions if what they say make sense.

Yet, sometimes I think I prefer to do it my own way.

And this is probably why I sometimes feel that it's "me against the world".

Even if that's the case, it doesn't give other people the license to "kill" me.

I won't allow that.

I accept what is acceptable and I oppose what is not acceptable.

It's as simple as that.

But as I've mentioned earlier, it's always "me against the world".

I just come out with a simple statement and everybody wants to oppose me.

Is it because other people are jealous of me?

Or is it because other people look down upon me?

I've only expressed my dissatisfaction about this matter to the only friend who would listen to my problems, Jamie "Sexay" Sanderson.

Nobody else could understand how I feel to be honest.

Family members, friends. All the same.

Sigh.

What's next then? I don't know.

Even more of the situation?

Very likely.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Regrets...

Song of the day:
David Cook
"Always Be My Baby"


Regrets...

Everyone has regrets, I'm pretty sure of it.

I've tonnes of regrets.

But in this blog entry, I would like to highlight my greatest regrets throughout my life in my "beloved" university.

The first in line is always my choice of studying electrical engineering.

I know this has been repeated time and time again.

BUT...

I've learnt to accept it now. Fine.

Earlier today I had a great chat with one of my old pals from secondary school in a shopping complex.

Basically we chatted about almost everything, ranging from career to STPM.

It is always inevitable to include one topic in every chatting session I've this time around.

Romance.

This is only one thing that has not appeared in my life since I was born.

Why?

I don't even know why.

I used to have an explanation for that.

Fat.

I was fat before 2008.

Fat is the key to every girl's worst dream.

Just ask any girl on the road. Do they want a fat guy as a boyfriend?

I don't have the statistics here but I think that probably 90% would say no.

Their opinions and comments on that?

"Yuck!", "Eeewwww", "Disgusting.." etc.

Okay I'll stop that.

Now, in 2008, I've changed to become slimmer and skinnier.

But I feel that it's a bit late for me to make changes to my body.

Basically every girl that I at least have a crush on, has a boyfriend.

"Better late than never"? Oh my god.

Today's chatting session was one example.

I wouldn't wanna say anything but the girl involved was one of the girls I'd a crush on.

And I did not make the first move till I got beaten by a more superior guy.

Hands down. I conceded defeat.

But one thing did get to my mind and the golden words would always be "what if?".

What if I moved earlier?

What if I slim down earlier?

What if I bla bla bla...?

Thinking of these makes me feel inferior and regretful.

I still regret about what I've missed in large chunk of my life.

I thought I could impress people with my diligence and hardwork till I've got someone else to remind me that it wasn't meant to be like that.

People can be smarter than you and eventually beat you in the academic world.

And that "someone" (who reminded me) was none other than my father.

I was given a reality check in Form 5 and I was given more reality checks when I failed miserably throughout my so-called "love quest".

"I was fat", the lamest but most realistic reason before 2008.

Did I say that earlier? OH yes I did.

I'm pretty sure that I failed earlier because of my looks.

My score has been reduced to less than half even before I start showing my character.

With my low self-esteem due to my outlook, I can't even get girls to chat with me, let alone look at me.

C'mon ffs.

This world is very realistic and I've come to know that right in front of my face.

I know the cruel reality of life and I'm sick of it.

Girls can do the most cruel action to me before I even know it.

I've so many evidences to back my claims. But of course what's the point of showing all here?

It's history and "ffs wake up Kelvin Lye!".

I admit, to be given a reality check is cruel but honest.

That's why I don't wanna get fat again.

However, the large chunk of life wasted due to "fat"ness cannot be recovered forever.

I've basically had 24 years of life wasted due to people's opinion on my size.

I'm SLIM! SKINNY! Note that for goodness sake.

And I want to be loved.

I know love cannot be demanded but I want to be given a chance.

Short term romance. Long term romance. A short term fling.

Anything that can leave me with sweet memories.

You can say that I'm desperate but I just want to enjoy the process, even though it doesn't lead to marriage.

Enough of regrets.

I just wish for chances now, my Lord.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

What's next?

Song of the day:
蔡淳佳 - "Yesterday"


Finally...

It's almost the end of my four years at the so-called "Premier university for science and technology in Malaysia".

I felt ashamed of what the university authority call themselves.

Anyway, I've finished my final exams.

I've finished my final year project presentation.

I've finished my thesis.

All in all, I'm a free man now!..

Well sort of. UTM has been a so-called "prison" to me.

It doesn't have high four walls of course but I've tonnes of things to complain about UTM.

I'll leave that to another day then.

WooHoo!

What a relaxing moment.

I've been anticipating this day for ages.

Well, I've been slacking for quite a number of days; one week to be exact.

At the same time, it's also time for me to make probably the biggest decision in my life.

What's next?



What's next for this fella?

Yup, the title of this blog entry.

Ever since I entered UTM, I don't have a particular direction that I'll be heading towards after graduation.

Thus, I've been lingering around in the past few months, basically hanging around, looking around and listening around.

Career fairs, career talks, university peers' opinions (while lunching or yumcha with them), lecturers' advice...

All sources have been explored.

I hate to talk about making decisions in my life but I can't help it!

Currently, I see myself in the following directions:
  1. Post-graduate studies
  2. Education field (teaching etc.)
  3. Anything other than engineering
It's easy right?

Those three are not yet ranked.

Currently also, I'm going to apply for scholarship to study masters or PhD in anywhere possible in the world.

But I prefer to be nearer to home this time around unless I couldn't get the offer from Singapore.

Then I might head to UK and meet up with Jamie "Sexay" Sanderson, who's my Arsenal buddy on MSN and a cool character in my life.

Teaching is a more probable job option for me if compared to engineering.

So now it's pretty much an uncertain period for me but hey, hopefully I can sort this out really soon.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

By the way, if you really notice my blog, I've changed the banner of my blog.



Pretty cool eh??

I've always wanted to change the banner but because of my laziness and busy-ness of 4th year life, I'm so wasted and couldn't even get a decent and better looking banner.

I thought this new banner is pretty cool eh.

As I become "slimmer" (according to majority of the people around me saying so), my looks definitely changes too.



So don't be surprised to see me being slim.

After all, who doesn't want kevlinefm to be slim eh?

Probably you of course. Muahaha...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I realise that lately I've been pretty obsessed with 蔡淳佳 (or Joi) and her songs.

I couldn't get her songs out of my head.

Surprisingly, I bought her album in Harris (under Popular Book Store) in Aeon City, J.J. while having gathering with my coursemates.

Since then, everyday has been a new day for me as I keep loving different songs of hers.

First it was 依恋.

Then on past Monday, it was 慶幸有你愛我.

On Wednesday, it was Yesterday.

Then slowly today, it's 女人们的咖啡.

Damn man. I admit Joi is very pretty for a decent Singapore girl.



Big eyed Joi


My heart melts when I listen to Yesterday in the past few days.

Sorry for being a moron.

I've to admit that she looks like my friend's girlfriend :(

She's SOOO cute.

She's so my type I really gotta say this.

"STOP the crapping Kelvin!"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

No vacation period for me as my coursemates are done with their stuff and are more interested in enjoying concrete fun rather than nature fun.

So much from development huh.

I would rather enjoy nature than playing those crappy concrete games like rollercoaster.

Till then, to those who are enjoying holidays now,

ENJOY LIFE!

as Kanye and T-Pain would sing about "Good Life".