Regrets...

Song of the day:
David Cook
"Always Be My Baby"

Regrets...

Everyone has regrets, I'm pretty sure of it.

I've tonnes of regrets.

But in this blog entry, I would like to highlight my greatest regrets throughout my life in my "beloved" university.

The first in line is always my choice of studying electrical engineering.

I know this has been repeated time and time again.

BUT...

I've learnt to accept it now. Fine.

Earlier today I had a great chat with one of my old pals from secondary school in a shopping complex.

Basically we chatted about almost everything, ranging from career to STPM.

It is always inevitable to include one topic in every chatting session I've this time around.

Romance.

This is only one thing that has not appeared in my life since I was born.

Why?

I don't even know why.

I used to have an explanation for that.

Fat.

I was fat before 2008.

Fat is the key to every girl's worst dream.

Just ask any girl on the road. Do they want a fat guy as a boyfriend?

I don't have the statistics here but I think that probably 90% would say no.

Their opinions and comments on that?

"Yuck!", "Eeewwww", "Disgusting.." etc.

Okay I'll stop that.

Now, in 2008, I've changed to become slimmer and skinnier.

But I feel that it's a bit late for me to make changes to my body.

Basically every girl that I at least have a crush on, has a boyfriend.

"Better late than never"? Oh my god.

Today's chatting session was one example.

I wouldn't wanna say anything but the girl involved was one of the girls I'd a crush on.

And I did not make the first move till I got beaten by a more superior guy.

Hands down. I conceded defeat.

But one thing did get to my mind and the golden words would always be "what if?".

What if I moved earlier?

What if I slim down earlier?

What if I bla bla bla...?

Thinking of these makes me feel inferior and regretful.

I still regret about what I've missed in large chunk of my life.

I thought I could impress people with my diligence and hardwork till I've got someone else to remind me that it wasn't meant to be like that.

People can be smarter than you and eventually beat you in the academic world.

And that "someone" (who reminded me) was none other than my father.

I was given a reality check in Form 5 and I was given more reality checks when I failed miserably throughout my so-called "love quest".

"I was fat", the lamest but most realistic reason before 2008.

Did I say that earlier? OH yes I did.

I'm pretty sure that I failed earlier because of my looks.

My score has been reduced to less than half even before I start showing my character.

With my low self-esteem due to my outlook, I can't even get girls to chat with me, let alone look at me.

C'mon ffs.

This world is very realistic and I've come to know that right in front of my face.

I know the cruel reality of life and I'm sick of it.

Girls can do the most cruel action to me before I even know it.

I've so many evidences to back my claims. But of course what's the point of showing all here?

It's history and "ffs wake up Kelvin Lye!".

I admit, to be given a reality check is cruel but honest.

That's why I don't wanna get fat again.

However, the large chunk of life wasted due to "fat"ness cannot be recovered forever.

I've basically had 24 years of life wasted due to people's opinion on my size.

I'm SLIM! SKINNY! Note that for goodness sake.

And I want to be loved.

I know love cannot be demanded but I want to be given a chance.

Short term romance. Long term romance. A short term fling.

Anything that can leave me with sweet memories.

You can say that I'm desperate but I just want to enjoy the process, even though it doesn't lead to marriage.

Enough of regrets.

I just wish for chances now, my Lord.